When I was in my preschool years, I had a wishful thinking of being young forever and my parents will stay the same. I do not want them to reach old Age because I know as humans our life cycle will end when old age nears. I’m afraid of losing them after my old relatives passed away one by one.
I must admit I had a difficult childhood because my father was very strict. He wanted us to always do good in school. He has a very high expectation of us. At first I was doing well in school. But after having my appendix removed, my health was not the same as before. Oh heck, my appendix had burst and the doctors had to operate on me quickly. I almost died because my appendix burst and it almost poisoned me.
Because my body was not the same as before, I always got tired. I lose interest in school especially after getting forgetful. I think it was because of the anesthesia. My father did not understand what was happening to me. He was really disappointed in me and compared me to my sister who was doing really well in school.
My father was even more disappointed in me because I have not maintained my scholarship in high school. I have not done good because I was struggling. Because my father was always praising my sister and comparing her to me, a deep resentment of my father evolved in me.
He only got happy with me when I was doing well in College. It was because I tried really hard in order to please him and my mom. And I finally found myself and what I want in life.
I still harbored my resentment then because I know he’s still not that proud of me. He was always reminding me of my decision in not entering the school of his dreams which is the best school in our country. I passed the entrance exam but chose not to enroll in that school. I believed it was not for me because I was afraid of failing. I had a very low self-esteem then and I’m afraid of mingling with intelligent people.
My father only mellowed with time when he reached old Age. I forgave him for his past mistakes because I saw that he was making up for lost time. And he was so proud of my children and loved them. He went to my children’s parties and the graduation of my eldest in high school even if he was getting weak. He told me how proud he was of my eldest. His only regret was he was late for his salutatory speech. My promised to the show him the recorded speech was not fulfilled because he passed away.
So I was devastated when he passed away last five years ago. My only consolation was I made him happy although it was in a short period of time. My outlook in life changed after he was gone. I learned to forgive easily and became aware of the meaning of life.