The magnitude of loneliness Lola feels whenever winter comes can’t be fathomed by someone who has not lost a loved one. It was winter when she lost her child. Her child was 7 years old then. He would have been 18 years of age today. For eleven years, she had not forgiven herself for not loving her child.

She was only fifteen when she had her child. The child was a product of two impetuous teenagers. They were easily carried away by their earthly desires. Sadly, her boyfriend gave her a cold shoulder when he learned that she was carrying a child. He told her how can she be sure that the child was his, to begin with. Besides, he told her that he was not ready to become a father.

What was more even sadder was she was driven away from their home by her parents. They were angry at her for being reckless. She knew that she had committed a grave mistake. She had put off the realization that they were having difficulty in their finances. It was her way of being angry at the unfairness of life.

She was suddenly alone and her mind was confused then. She had no real friends to go to. Her Proclivity for getting rid of the child made her go to an abortion clinic. But fate was playing tricks on her. The abortion was not successful. It seemed that her child did not want to part with her. She had to continue the child to full term after unsuccessful attempts.

In order to survive, she had to find a job. She went to a neighboring town in order to start anew. Fortunately, she was hired to attend tables at a diner. She was even given a small room at the back of the diner. She was hired because her bulge was not noticeable then. Her co-workers were nice and kind to her. They have noticed her bulge in time but they turned a blind eye out of pity for her.

After giving birth to her child, she continued working at the diner in order to support her and the child. No matter how hard she tried she did not know how to love the child. Her heart hardened when she was forced into this wretched situation. She was lucky because her co-workers took turns in taking care of her child.

Even though she had not showered love on her child, he grew up kind and loving. What lacked from her side, it was filled up by her co-workers. Her child grew up trying to please her but she has not budged even a little. Her child was a painful reminder of her past that gone wrong.

One harsh winter night, a motorcycle gang suddenly sprang at the diner with their guns. They raided the pantry and took the money at the cashier. Customers were not even spared their belongings. Suddenly, her child sprang out of nowhere carrying a gift. Because the gang was all caught off guard, one of them shoots at her child. Suddenly, her mother instinct went overdrive. She lunged at her child but it was too late. Her child got shot directly at his heart.

She thought that her heart hardened but here she was crying so hard. She felt a sudden remorse that she had not given her love for this boy. And to make matters worse, the gift he was carrying was for her. He had saved every penny he can save to buy the necklace she was eyeing at the jewelry store in front of the diner. It was too late for not having to Cherish a gift that was given to her.

In order to earn her absolution, she volunteered at the Home for the Abandoned Children. She’s also studying to become a Social Worker. Maybe one day, she’ll learn to forgive herself and move on.

Image courtesy: https://pixabay.com/photo-1099207/

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